Harry's Cookie Stolen By Evil Penguins
by Smelybel
Summary: What happens when Duncan, Harry's sprinkled cookie is kidnapped by an evil penguin named Bob? Written with AngelMagical
1. MY COOKIE!

Yes this is a random story me and my friend angelmagical wrote together. We Dont own anything in this story that you think we do except the plot ...

**The Quest for Harry's Dead Cookie Stolen by Evil Penguins.**

Ron and Hermione were sitting in the Gryffindor common room one weekend on their own discussing random things when Harry burst in crying and screaming "MY COOKIE" he said.

"Harry what's wrong?" A frantic Hermione asked getting up from the chair.

"MY COOKIE!" Harry cried curling up into a ball and crying out heart wrenching sobs that shook his whole body.

"Mate which cookie? I mean 3 weeks ago it was choc chip then it was sugar cookies and don't you remember that whole experiment in trying to make your OWN cookies?" Ron asked flinching at the memory.

FLASHBACK

"Harry this is dangerous we could get expelled for this." Hermione said as she crept out from the invisibility cloak.

"Hermione we need to do it for the sake of man kind and for the safety of future wizards and witches." Harry said bravely.

"HARRY! Have you gone mental? I mean YOU COULD JUST ASK THE HOUSE ELVES BUT NOOOO YOU HAD TO MAKE YOUR **OWN** COOKIES!" An exasperated Ron cried.

"Geese Ron what's got your knickers in a twist today?" Harry asked getting out three cookie dough's and setting them on the table.

"WELL FOR ONE THING HERMIONE AND I WERE HAVING A HEATED DISCUSSION ON THE TOPIC OF LONELY OLD PEOPLE IN THE WORLD THAT HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN WRITE SOMETHING CALLED "FANFICTION" WHEN YOU COME IN SCREAMING ABOUT A COOKIE...oh wait that was already in the story." Ron said thoughtfully.

END FLASHBACK

"BUT THIS COOKIE WAS DIFFERENT" Harry said… "IT HAD SPRINKLES ON IT"

At this, Ron flung himself onto the ground next to Harry and started screaming "OH MY GOD NOT THE COOKIE WITH SPRINKLES ON IT!"

Harry, Stunned at what Ron had just done stopped crying and just stared at him, then remembering he was meant to be upset he started screaming again.

Hermione watched this all silently then got bored, she decided to join in for no apparent reason… Soon they were all crying and screaming and throwing tantrums when a bunch of people walked in and started staring at them.

The people staring eventually (much like Hermione) got bored and took to ripping the common room to shreds screaming and crying.

"HARRY POTTER AND COMPANY."A voice boomed of the walls.

"EXCUSE ME? WHAT DO YOU MEAN AND COMPANY? WEVE DID JUST AS MUCH WORK AS HIM!" Hermione and Ron screamed.

"OK FINE...HARRY POTTER AND 2 ANNOYING SIDEKICKS THAT ARE ABOUT TO BE EATEN BY GIRRAFES IF THEY DONT SHUT UP (at this Ron and Hermione shut up) WE HAVE STOLEN YOUR PREACIOUS COOKIE!" The voice boomed again.

"YOU MONSTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH DUNCUN?" Harry screamed pounding his fists on the walls.

"Duncan?" Hermione asked confused.

"I thought he should have a name." Harry grinned sheepishly.

"HARRY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN DUNCUN? THAT COOKIE WAS A SYMBOL OF OUR LOVE! YU SAID YOU WOULD NAME IT ROARRY AFTER US! WHOS DUNCUN YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND MR? AND YOU GO AND "SHEEPISHLY GRIN" AS THE AUTHOR PUT IT TO HERMIONE AND IM STANDING RIGHT HERE!" Ron screamed coming up to Harry and slapping him.

Harry scared of the scary slapping Ron started crying again. Hermione walked up and then slapped Ron, which made Harry laugh, So Hermione slapped Harry which made him quiet then Ron laughed at Harry and Harry slapped him. Suddenly the voice boomed out again, "STOP SLAPPING EACH OTHER AND LISTEN TO ME, I HAVE DUNCAN AND IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME mumble mumble nah more than that mumble mumble A SQUAZILLION GALLEONS THEN I WILL EAT HIM MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH"

Harry Started crying AGAIN (wow he's a real wuss hey) then the other random people who were tearing apart the common room appeared again from nowhere including Draco Malfoy and various other people from other houses for some reason. Draco started eating a muffin with sprinkles that looked a tiny bit like a cookie which made Harry and Ron go crazy and lunge at him. And then they ate poor Draco's muffin. Draco just stood there wondering what that blur had been and where his muffin had gone, then he started crying too.

"MY MUFFIN WAAAAAAAAAA." Draco said as he ate the remaining crumbs of the muffin that were left on the floor.

"HA HA MALFOY BACK IN THE GROUND WHERE YOU BELONG." Ginny Weasley said coming into the room.

Malfoy started crying harder.

"Awww Malfoy ferret don't cry shhh its all ok." Hermione said taking his head in her lap and stroking his hair.

"Thank you know-it-all nerd bookworm Granger." Sniffed Malfoy.

"Know problems bouncy greasy ferret cya later." Hermione said getting up and pushing his head on the floor.

MEANWHILE THE EVIL VOICE THINKS HES BEEN FORGOTTEN

"LIKE I WAS SAYING BEFORE SCAR HEAD AND WEASEL BEE ATE THE POOR UNSUSPECTING MUFFIN...I WANT A SQUAZILLION GALLEONS OR THE COOKIE GETS IT!" The voice boomed.

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS FLUFFY AND UNIQUE WHO ARE YOU?" Harry screamed.

"I AM THE EVIL OVERLORD PENGUIN CALLED BOB!"

"Ooookkk..."Hermione said shrugging her shoulders and went back to pushing Malfoy's head in the mud.

Then out of nowhere a curtain appeared and the penguin holding a microphone was left looking at a script.

"YOU DIDNT SEE ANYTHING!" Bob said waving his little penguin arms and closing the curtains.

"IGNORE THAT PENGUIN THAT LOOKS IDENTICAL TO MYSELF HE IS ONLY THE JANITOR." Bob boomed.

Ron and Harry were getting pretty annoyed with this stupid voice that had stolen HARRYS COOKIE WITH SPRINKLES and wanted to get it back. "BOB" Harry called out,  
"yeah? I mean YES WHAT IS YOU REQUIRE?" Bob answered.  
"I WANT MY COOKIE BACK" Harry screamed and then ran around and started kicking all the walls and anyone he could find which now included Professor who had heard bob and wanted to look but of course, 'HE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING'  
Suddenly Neville walked in and decided to sit down and watch the action with some pop corn, but of course there wasn't really much for him to see because 'HE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING'… all he saw were some random holes in the wall which Harry had kicked in and Ron crying in the corner and Hermione and Draco in another corner with Hermione bashing Draco's head into the wall. The rest of the random people had started to fall asleep.

"Woah." Was all Neville could say.

"HARRY POTTER WE SHALL MEET AGAIN." Bob boomed with an extra large boom that knocked Neville's popcorn off his lap.

"DAMN YOU BOB." Neville screamed as he tried to pick up the scattered popcorn.


	2. THE QUEST BEGINS

Disclaimer: Nope, We still don't own anything.

Also thanks to the people who reviewed last chapter. For reviewing, we will make sure Bob doesn't steal any of your cookies.

Chapter Two…. LET THE QUEST BEGIN!

Harry, Ron, Hermione and a bunch of other people decided that they must attempt the almost impossible… they had TO EAT THEIR LUNCH… and then rescue the cookie from Bob.

First they had to figure out where that scary voice was coming from. Harry looked around out the windows and then behind the curtain where the Other Bob hid but… HE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, so he looked out the window and leant a little bit too far and…  
"HARRY!" a bunch of people called out as he plummeted to the ground "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH," he screamed, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH hey look a seagull AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"HARRY? ARE YOU OK AND MORE IMPORTANTLY...did that apple in your pocket survive the fall because if it did I'd reeeeally like to eat it." Ron said pulling Harry up and digging into his pockets.

"RON! I NEARLY HAD A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE AND YOU GO AND EAT MY PRECIOUS APPLE?" Harry asked.

"Harry mate you ALWYAS have near death experiences the novelty has kinda worn off." Ron said taking a bite out of his apple.

"YOU MONSTER THAT WAS A GOOD APPLE!" Draco said coming into the picture.

"Geez has everyone forgot about the cookie?" Ginny asked, coming up behind Harry and giving him a wedgie.

AHHH IT BURNS." Harry said as he started to cry.

"What cookie?" Harry asked as he got up.

"THE cookie! The **_SPRINKLED!_** Cookie!" Ginny said in disbelief.

"OH THAT SPRINKLED COOKIE CAPTURED BY THE EVIL PENGUIN CALLED BOB!" Harry said realization kicking in.

Suddenly Draco kicked Harry.

"WHAT YA DO THAT FOR?" Harry asked.

"The author said "kicking" in." Draco said shrugging.

"Oh yeah well..."Harry said as he started to kick everyone.

THE KICKING WENT ON FOR MANY HOURS THE COOKIE LAID FORGOTTEN IN A CAVE SOMEPLACE SOMEWHERE WITH THE EVIL PENGUIN CALLED BOB.

"Owww." Ron moaned.

"I...can't...go...on...save...Duncan...without...me." Harry gasped grapping a rose and laying it across his chest as if he was dead.

"Harr,y DUNCUN WILL DIE WITHOUT YOU." Hermione screamed still pushing Draco's head.

"I SHALL SAVE YOU DUNCUN." Harry said getting on his invisible horse and skipping madly towards the door his hurting "sensitive" places forgotten.

As Harry arrived at the… place outside the cave place he jumped off his invisible horse that had turned into a broomstick somehow and stood there wondering which way to go. He of course ignored all the 'THIS WAY HARRY', 'BOBS HOUSE' and 'DUNCAN IS IN HERE' signs that were pointing into the entrance of the cave. He obviously wasn't that stupid! So he went in the direction of the 'NO DON'T GO THIS WAY' and 'DANGER AHEAD' signs.

"Ha, and they think I'm stupid," Harry said, as he fell into a huge Hole.

* * *

"Uh oh." Ron suddenly said to Hermione who was busy bashing Draco's head in the wall.

"What?" Hermione asked worried." "I SWEAR IT WASNT ME!"

"Huh? No I'm not talking about how you had an affair with your cat; my Harry just fell in a huge hole senses just kicked in." Ron said.

Hermione went up to Ron and kicked him.

"Let's not start this again WE MUST SAVE HARY! I MEAN POTTER!" Draco said bravely jumping on his invisible donkey and galloping in the wrong direction.

"How are we gonna find him?" Hermione asked.

"I had a microchip placed in Harry's nose should be easy enough." Ron said.

"Ok Hermione jumped on Ron's back and they trotted away."

"RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Harry was sitting in the bottom of the Hole, talking to his shoe.  
"Why Mr. Shoozie, would you like another scone?"

"Why I would be delighted Harry", the shoe replied, nearly making Harry fall off his…chair...

"Ok Mr. Shoozie, anything you say, just please don't hurt me", Harry whimpered. "Anything?" The shoe asked  
"Oh yes" Harry replied "anything in the whole wide world"  
"Well… can I keep Duncan?" Mr. Shoozie said, ripping off his disguise to reveal… BOB!

"BOB? YOU EVIL LITTLE PENGUIN YOU WILL NEVER GET MY BELOVED DUNCAN!" Harry screamed.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA AND HOW DO YOU PLAN ON STOPPING ME?" Bob replied.

"THATS LATER IN THE STORY YOU IDIOTIC (but adorable) LTTLE PENGUIN!" Harry shouted.

"Aww gee no need to get so mean...I mean calling me short that's over the line..."Bob said starting to cry and slapping Harry.

"Gee what's that poking feeling on the side of my leg" Harry wondered aloud, then looked down to see Bob, slapping Harry, with all of his little might. Harry yawned and looked around and decided to read for a while. When he finished his book, he saw Bob still slapping him furiously. Harry sighed and gave a small kick which sent Bob flying out of the hole.

"Hey look, a flying penguin" Ron commented, having just arrived.

"Yoooou diiiiiiiiiidnttttt seeee annnnnythiiiiiiiingg" Bob called out as he flew through the air

"HARRY! YOU JUST KIKED A PENGUIN! YOULL GET IN TROUBLE WITH THE P.H.P.T.D.L.I.W.H.K.T.P.!"Hermione cried.

"P.H.P.T.D.L.I.W.H.K.T.P?"Ron asked.

Hermione sighed.

"The penguin helper people that don't like it when Harry kicks their penguins!" Hermione said annoyed.

"OHHH! THAT P.H.P.T.D.L.I.W.H.K.T.P.!"Harry said.

Suddenly, Sirens started screeching and a man from the P.H.P.T.D.L.I.W.H.K.T.P came flying in a flying thing that flies.

'Excuse me, Harry potter, you are under arrest for kicking a penguin" He said to Hermione.  
"That's Harry over there" she pointed in the direction of the hole.  
"Oh… Well…" The man replied "You're under arrest to for being a know it all.  
At this statement Ron gasped "RIGHT your under arrest to, for…breathing"  
So the man put hand cuffs on everybody there and threw them in to the flying thing that flies.

"BUSTED!" Draco said coming into the flying thing that flies.

"DRACO SAVE US!" Hermione screamed at him.

"DRACO TO THE RESCUE!" Draco screamed uncuffing everyone and kissing Hermione.

"When did this happen?" Harry asked them standing up and looking at the couple.

"A lot can happen in 3.5 seconds." Shrugged Hermione.

Harry stared at his watch and timed 3.5 seconds. Nothing happened. He timed for another 3.5 seconds. Still nothing happened. He got annoyed and threw his watch against the wall of the flying thing that flies but hit a part which was actually a SECRET DOOR.  
"Come on guys lets go" Harry called out. And they all jumped out of the door, forgetting they didn't have parachutes.


	3. Pink Handbags, Mohawks and Dumblebee

Chapter Three -Pink Handbags, Mohawks and Dumblebee

Once again, Harry found himself plummeting to the ground. Even though he could probably die he didn't really mind because… well… He knew he wouldn't really die because if he did this story would be pointless and the Authors wouldn't have anything to write. However, Ron, Hermione and the other people that were falling didn't have the supreme intellect to realize this. So they screamed. (And wow, Michelle really hates her writing there)

"WOW! THIS IS FUN!" Draco screamed.

"SHUT UP!" They all barked at him.

Draco whimpered.

"Wow this is taking a long time..."Harry said.

"Yeah how long has it been now?" Hermione asked looking up from her magazine.

"2 days." Ron said checking the time by the sun

"Hey I guess you were right Hermione!" Harry said.

"I was? I mean...I WAS!" She said proud.

"A lot can happen in 3.5 seconds." He said kissing Ginny.

Suddenly Draco called out.  
"MY SCARF! It's finished! Finally!"  
"How… Nice" Hermione replied.

"Yep" Draco replied, a huge smile on his face.  
Harry Gasped (not for breath no) when Bob suddenly flew past them all. But he looked slightly different… HE HAD A MOHAWK!  
"BOB?" Harry screamed shocked.

"Yes?" Bob asked checking his green Mohawk in the mirror.

"YOU HAVE FEET!" He screamed.

"Yes... and I also have a MOHAWK!" He shouted.

"Oh yeah..." Harry said  
They all splattered onto the ground.

"Owww" Hermione moaned getting up off the ground and rubbing her butt. But Draco yawned, having just woken up. He sat up and stretched and then slowly stood up. When he looked down, he saw Harry, who he had been sitting on flattened into the sand.  
"I'm sorry I landed on you!" Draco said obviously not meaning it though.  
"No it's not that," Harry said, "You farted in my face!" And with that he dissolved into tears.

SUDDENLY BOB SPLATTERED ON TOP OF HARRY AND FARTED.

"EWWW penguin fart!" He cried.

"I AM NOT A PENGUIN...oh wait..." Bob said.

"So can we have Duncan or what man?" Ron asked looking like a hippy.

"No." He said then walked off.

"WHO WANTS CAKE?"  
Everyone started cheering… until Ron cheered a little bit too hard and jumped into the cake.  
"Ooops" He said, and then shrugged his shoulders. Everyone else dissolved into tears.  
"It never got to be eaten" sobbed Neville.

Bob appeared again and pointed at Neville.

"HA HA YOU LOOK STUPID, CRYING WHAT A BABY!" Bob said laughing.  
"Wellllllll" Harry said, appearing. "Your Mohawk looks pretty stupid too!"  
Bob started crying.  
Draco slapped Harry.

"WHAT YOU DO THAT FOR?" Harry asked crying.

"YOU SAID MEAN THINGS TO BOB!" Draco said going over and hugging the crying penguin.

"DRACO!" Hermione screamed crying.

"I SWEAR IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!" Draco screamed jumping away from bob.

SUDDENLY...Ginny sneezed!

"What am I doing here again?" Neville asked looking at the scary psychotic people.

"We're going to kill you and eat your livers." Bob said hugging Draco.

Neville fainted.

"Got ya didn't I?"  
Neville was still lying on the ground unconscious.  
"Uhhh Neville you can wake up now" Harry said.  
Hermione poked Neville with a stick.  
"Uhhh Harry? I think he's… DEAD!"  
Everyone looked at Draco.  
"Whaaaaaat?" He said. "Don't look at me. It wasn't actually ME this time!"  
Hermione suddenly burst into hysterical laughter  
"WHATS SO FUNNY!" Ginny demanded.  
"Uhhh Nothing…" She replied hiding a smile and the ripped off her disguise to reveal BOB AGAIN!

"THEN WHERES HERMIONE?" Draco asked.

"I'm right here!" Hermione said coming out of the cave with Harry.

"We didn't do anything!" Harry assured Ginny.

"HE WAS CONSOLING ME BECAUSE YOU KISSED A PENGUIN AND CHEATED ON ME." Hermione screamed.

Neville woke up just to hear that last sentence and fainted again.

"I'M SORRY HERMIONE! CANT WE JUST FORGET ABOUT IT!" Draco screamed.

"NO!" She shouted back.

"But THEY'RE kissing!" Draco said pointing to Bob and Neville.

"BOB! HOW COULD YOU?" Bob's girlfriend, Bobetty screamed walking into the scene.  
"Uhhh… it was… HIM" Bob screamed pointing at Neville. "He came onto me. I didn't know what to do. (Even though I secretly enjoyed it.) I COULDN'T GET HIM OFF ME!"

"Aww my poor little BobbieWobbiekins," Bobetty Cooed "Did that mean Nevilleweville hurt you? Come here Baby its ok"  
Bob nodded and cuddled Bobetty.  
"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww" Said everyone there...EXCEPT HERMIONE!

She was too busy sulking.

"What's wrong Hermione?" Harry asked.

"HE CHEATED ON ME WITH A CHEATING PENGUIN!" She said.

"Ohhh yeah."

Hermione sunk into the rock.

"HERMIONE? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHE DISAPEARED." Draco said then laughed.

"FINALLY SHE IS GONE, Wait… that's bad!" Harry Cried, "Now we have no nerds to tell us what to do."  
Everyone sat down to think, including Bob and Bobetty.  
Bob called out "I HAVE A WAY TO GET THE COOKIE BACK!"  
Bobetty sighed. "You're meant to keep the cookie AWAY from them!  
"Oh Yeahhhhhhhh" Said Bob stupidly.

3.5 seconds later Hermione walked in laughing hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Bob asked.

"I just had the funniest dream ever. I dreamt that somewhere a psycho evil penguin with a Mohawk stole a cookie, and we had to rescue it!

Everyone laughed and Bob subtly snuck away.

"Hang on..."Ron gave the shifty eyes that were...shifty!

"WHO WANTS FISH?" Harry shouted.

The big stampede of people came and ate the fish.

"That's right...eaaaaat the fish." Dumbledore said coming into view.

"Dumblebee?" Hermione asked with a mouth full of fish eye.

"Hell Miss Granger I trust you have kept up your bushy haired standards by not conditioning?" Dumbledore asked pleasantly.

Hermione ran away and cried.

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?" Draco asked throwing the fish intestine at his professor.

"BECAUSE IM REALLY..." Dumbledore pulled off his disguise to reveal "BOB!"...DOING THE MACERENA!

Bob was jumping around shaking his little penguin butt around and everyone else was grossed out, except Draco, who was looking slightly turned on. Hermione was getting very jealous by now so she grabbed some scissors and snuck up on Bob… annnd SNIP... She tried to cut off his Mohawk. But she missed.  
"AHHH MY DOODLE!" Bob screamed in agony.  
"NOOOOO! NOW HE WILL NEVER HAVE MY BABIES" Bobetty screamed... then she turned around saw Harry, and got an evil smile on her face and her little penguin arms outspread.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Harry screamed and ran away with Bobetty screaming and running after him.

"Odd." Hermione pondered.

"Yes very." Draco replied.

"Yep." Bobetty said.

"Aren't you guys supposed to be getting...THIS?" And Bob held up Duncan...THAT HAD A BITE MARK IN IT!

"OH MY GOD YOU NIBBLED HIM!" Harry screamed and tackled Bob to the ground, which sent Duncan flying through the air and landing in Neville's hand.  
"NEVILLE! SAVE DUNCAN! DON'T LET BOB GET HIM!" Harry screamed, but Neville just stood there like a statue and then… RIPPED OFF HIS DISGUISE TO REVEAL BOB!  
"But… how the… WHERE DO YOU GET THESE DISGUISES FROM?" Ron asked/screamed at Bob.  
"Oh I know this great little shop down in Diagon Alley, they sell all kinds of costumes" Bob said, pulling business cards out of his pink handbag and handing them out to everyone, then running away.


	4. A whole lot of weird

**Chapter Four – A Whole lot of Weird**

"Does the logo on this card seem familiar to anyone?" Draco asked suddenly as they all gathered around the card.

It read...

"ALBUS'S COSTUME HIRE FROM YOUR EVERYDAY BOY-WHO-WOULDENT-DIE CHARECTERS TO THE BEDROOM!"

"Hmm...Albus...Albus...where does that sound familiar?" Hermione asked stupidly trying to scratch her head but only getting down to the 20 squazilion layer of her bushy thick hair.

Neville slapped her on the head.

"It's the JANITOR at the school stupid." He said stupidly.

The others nodded in agreement.

"Ohhh..."Hermione said as the others shook their heads.

"And she's meant to be the nerd." Bob said.

"BON BON! I THOUGHT YOUD LEFT!" Neville shrieked.

Bobetty got out her gun.

"RIGHT. THE PETNAMES ARE MINE!" She screamed chasing him around the place with no name.

"Where are we anyway?" Ron asked.

They all looked around finding some signs saying that Duncan was only a few miles ahead before shrugging and heading in the opposite direction.

They walked around for 576753967 miles (In 3.5 seconds hahaha) until they spotter an ice-cream shop. Harry ran inside straight away and ordered a GIANORMUS strawberry/banana/chocolate/toffee/peppermint/vanilla/fish/chicken MEGA CONE. At the sight of it he started to drool, until the ice cream person/man/lady asked if he wanted sprinkles. Harry felt his eyes welling up with tears at the mention of sprinkles and the thought of his beloved Duncan.

The ice cream person/man/lady looked petrified at him as the tears were about to pour down his face and his lip was quivering, until Ron grabbed him, ate the ice-cream and walked off muttering about the lack of chicken in them.

Everyone outside was looking bored out of there minds and had started a game of guess who. Ron had picked the person and Draco was trying to guess.  
"Is it a girl?"

"Nope!"

"Is it a guy?"  
"Nope!"  
Is it a person?" "Maybeeeee"

"Its you, isn't it" Draco said in a complete monotone.

"HOW DID YOU GUESS?!?!?!" Ron Exclaimed

"Oh the whole not/guy/not girl part sorta gave it away"  
At the mention of this everyone sort of shuffled away. Except Neville.  
"Oh My GAWWWSH" Neville exclaimed, "I thought I was the only one!"

"You are one too?!?!?!" Ron asked, "I never knew!"  
They both jumped into each others arms, tears of joy all over their faces while everyone else in the room was giving them blank looks. After 200000 minutes of them hugging and talking about the joys of how they use a toilet, Ginny cleared her throat and said  
"Uhhh guys? You can sooo like stop that now"  
"Heh. Ok" Ron relied, then whispered to Neville "Later we'll compare"  
"Compare what?"

"Guess!, Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha…ha… gasp…ha.."

Draco suddenly took out a mini TV and they all stared at him.

"OH MY FRIGGEN MAGGOTA!" Hermione screamed.

"Maggota?" Ron asked.

"Heh...the author tried to type maggots but decided she likes this better." Hermione said with the eyes that were shifty.

"OH MY BLACK MAMBA." Draco screamed and pointed to the TV. Everyone gathered around.

Bob was in a mini tuxedo that was getting Draco slightly turned on and was in the set of 'Australian idol'

"THAT'S RIGHT FOLKS! IM THE NEW HOST OF 'TRY AND GET THAT COOKIE IDOL!' THE JUDGES WILL BE SUCH STARS AS THE TWO AUTHORS OF THIS STORY MICHELLE AND ALANA...AND THE THIRD JUDGE WILL BE VOLDEMORT!" Bob said in an announcer's voice that made Draco drool.

Everyone thought it was pretty weird that Michelle and Alana would be the judges but since they controlled everything anyways it was all good.

"OK THEN" Bob announced "WE WILL JUST GET INTO SONGING OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ELSE TO SAY. OUR FIRST SINGY THINGS ARE GOING TO BE HARRY AND DRACO SINGING AS A DUET.

Harry strutted onto one side of the stage and Draco was suddenly pushed through the door on the other side

"What the... HOW DID I GET HERE?!?!" Draco screamed, but nobody answered him and the music started playing.

"Hiya Barbie" Harry said in a deep voice.

"Hi Ken" Draco replied in a high-pitched girly voice (Because he was sooo nervous)

"Wanna go for a ride?" Harry said, again in that deep scary voice.

"Sure Ken!" Draco managed to squeak.

"Jump in!"

The lights went all bright and scary and Draco was transformed into the image of Barbie, complete with mini skirt and fishnets (which made Bob very very turned on) he and Harry sang the Barbie girl song.

"Stop stop." Michelle said scowling.

"WHAT??? WASN'T I GOOD??? WAS THE BRA TOO MUCH?" Draco screamed tears in his eyes.

"I'm just not feeling it from you man." Michelle said doing the peace sign with her fingers and acting like a hippie (sorry shell hahahahahaha)

"But... but..."Harry cried.

"DONT ARGUE YOU PATHETIC SINGER." Alana screamed madly.

"Woaaaaaah. Forget your medication deary?" Voldemort asked kindly.

"DONT PATRONIZE ME!" Alana screamed throwing a chicken over Michelle's uber cool afro at Voldemort who shrieked like a girl and tears welled in his eyes.  
"That was mean." He whimpered.

"Yeah well you're a poo"

Voldemort ran out of the room crying.  
"Great now look what you've done…man" Michelle said, still doing peace signs at everyone and poking Alana in the eye (hahaha) with the peace sign fingers.

"AHHHH MY EYE" Alana screamed and then got up and cut Michelle's afro into the shape of a poo.

Harry and Draco were cowering in the corner hugging each other.  
"Can... can... we go now" Harry stammered.  
"YES LEAVE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

'Uhhh...ok...Heh...Voldy you have to come back nowwww." Bob said into his tiny little microphone.

"NOT UNTILL SHE SAYS SORRY!" Voldy called from his dressing room.

"POO HEAD!" Alana screamed.

Michelle whacked her with her poo like afro.

"FINE sorry..."Alana huffed.

"Heh." Voldemort said coming back into the room.

"Right...and the next contestant is...NEVILLE!" Bob screamed excitedly.

Neville came whizzing into the room in a poof of black smoke and in a frog costume.

"OH MY GOD YOU LOOK LIKE A FROG!" Michelle screamed at him forgetting about being a hippy for a second.

"THAT'S MY LINE!" Neville screamed.

Michelle looked down at the script for a second "Oh man, I am so sorry! Uhhh well you can do a different song then ok"  
"But I only know one other song…"  
"Sing it man! Sing your little heart out!"

"Ok. Mary had a little lamb little lamb Mary had a little lamb…"  
"Alana turned to Michelle "hahaha you look like Marge Simpson but stupider"

"Uhhh thanks... Man?" Michelle replied, while Neville was still singing.

"ITS FLEECE WAS WHITE AS SNOW… AND EVERY WHERE THAT MARY WENT, MARY WENT, MARY WENT AND EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT THE LAMB WAS SURE TO GO!!!"  
Alana and Michelle clapped sarcastically while Voldemort had tears in his eyes.  
"That was so... So... So BEAUTIFUL he sobbed... I really felt you were singing about a LAMB and I felt so strongly for it. That's a Yes vote from me!"

Alana looked at him and threw a chicken at him.

"Well man, I don't like how you made it out that it was a lamb...I mean it could have been a sheep man...a sheep! So that's a no from me man." Michelle said stroking her poo head lovingly.

Neville burst into tears.

"Awww poor Neville remember my vote decides." Alana said almost nicely.

"Re...Re...really? You likes it?" Neville asked looking up and smiling.

"Hahahaha...no." Alana said throwing a chicken.

Neville ran off the stage crying.

"AND YOUR FROG SUIT LOOKS STUPID." Alana called after him.

"Well folks our next contestant is the lovely Miss Granger!" Bob called.

"LOVELY? ARE YOU HAVING AN AFFAIR?" Bobetty voice called out into the audience but was barely noticeable over the crowd.

"No I am not... Bettums" Bob called out through the microphone... Making everyone deaf.

Hermione walked on to the stage and started to sing a great song I'm sure and was dancing and everything but nobody heard her because of stupid Bob's yelling into the microphone.

Michelle and Alana and Voldemort stared at Hermione through little squinty eyes (Because the lights were really bright too) to them all she looked like a fish stuck on the end of a fishing line writhing around on the floor. When she bowed and finished everyone stared blankly at her.  
"Welllll" she said "How did I do?"

"Uhhh you're in because FISH ARE SO DAMN SEXY!" Voldemort screamed.

"Totally man that was uber cool." Michelle said nodding

"I'm outvoted anyways but I hate fish." Alana scowled and threw a chicken at the lights and broke them

"AND NOW WE CAN SEE."

"Right...and next is Ron!" Bob said unenthusiastically.

"HOW ARE YOU LONDON??" Ron asked sliding into the room in his underwear and socks.

"What the..."Alana said.

"COME ON BABY LIIIIIIIGHT MYYYY FIIIIREEE." Ron screeched and played his air guitar.

The voting went like this...

"No way in frilly hell." (Alana)

"No man." (Michelle)

"YES!"

"DAMMIT! HE WAS SO SEXY!" Someone from the audience that sounded suspiciously like Bobetty screamed.

"THANKYOU LONDON!" Ron screamed before being pelted to death by chickens by Alana.

Bob reappeared on the stage stepping ever chickens... Getting the occasionally peck on the... Foot? Yeah foot. Penguins have feet, don't they? Anyways he walked out onto the stage and announced out.  
"OK EVERYONE NEXT WE HAVE GINNY!!!"

"Ginny POOFED onto the stage somehow wearing funky hot pink bike shorts and a bright yellow shirt…A.K.A a bike riding uniform, and started singing. I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE I WANT TO RIDE MY BIIIIKE I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE I WANT RIDE IT WHERE I LIKE"

"WELL MAN RIDE YOUR BIKE AND GET OUT OF HERE" Michelle screamed, while Alana threw a bike at Ginny's head. Ginny went flying into the audience and landed on some random guy's knee. The guy thought it was his lucky day until the security man (Really Harry dressed up funny) came and ran off with her.

"BUT I THOUGHT SHE WAS GOOD!" Voldemort screeched and started crying

Alana threw another bike at him but missed and hit Ginny again.

"I'm not sorry."

"Man..."Michelle said trying to get back into the conversation.

"AND NEXT WE HAVE DUMBLEBEE!" Bob screamed

Dumblebee came whiz banging into the room wearing nothing but hot pink Speedos (MY BRAIN...)

"SEXBOMB SEXOMB YOUR MY SEXBOMB AND BABY YOU CAN TURN ME ON!"' He said winking at Voldemort.

"Oh you are SOOOO in!" Voldemort screamed.

"Totally man...that pink really goes with the twinkle in your eye." Michelle said nodding.

"I LOVE YOU." Alana screamed and everyone turned to look at her.

"Heh..." She said…  
"HES MINE BUMHOLEMAN!" Michelle screamed, remembering that she is meant to be a hippie at the last moment.

Alana got out of her seat and started throwing more chickens around.

"BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWK" The chickens screamed as they flew through the hair and got caught in Michelle's poo afro.

Michelle jumped up and charged at Alana poking her with her poo afro until she fell over. Alana started squirting Michelle with a water pistol until she poked her in the eye with the HIPPIE FINGERS and flew off with the chickens that had caught in the afro and were flying away.

"NOOOOO SHES GETTING AWAYY!!" Alana? screamed.

"Everyone was watching Michelle flying through the air, and were to busy to notice that Voldemort had, for some reason jumped onto the stage and started pole dancing… wearing a scary looking pole dancing outfit thing. Someone from the audience made the mistake of looking, which Voldemort thought was a come on sign and jumped on the poor guys lap.  
"AVADA KEDAVRA ME ANYTIME BABY" Voldemort screamed into the poor guy's ear.  
He's still in therapy.  
BUT ANYWAYSSS

"Shouldn't you be getting…THIS?!" Bobetty asked pulling an umbrella out of her large brown handbag.

"OHMYGAWWWWSH. SHE'S MARY POPPINS!" Hermione screamed pointing at the umbrella drastically.

"THAT'S RIGHT!" A magic cactus said as it jumped from the corner and started tap dancing.

"What the…that cactus…"Ron said looking at it weirdly.

"I think it's time we eat." Ginny said holding out a big plate of cookies.

"OHH COOKIES! THAT'S RIGHT!" Harry squealed pointing a bony finger at Bob.

"Huh?" Bob asked tearing his eyes away from the pole dancing Voldy.

"YOU STOLE MY COOKIE YOU BEAST!" Harry screamed.

"Did not." Bob said nearly crying.

"DID TOO!" Harry wailed

"Did not!"

"DID TOO!"

A chicken flew past, leaving everyone mesmerized by the mesmerizing chicken.  
WOW A CHICKEN!!!  
I like chickens, sooo mesmerizing.

"Did… not…" Bob tried to say, being mesmerized and all.  
"You... di…" Harry was completely mesmerized.

Until Mr. Chicken (A.K.A, a cock…) flew into a nicely placed wall. WOW HOW CONVENIENT!!!

Hermione giggled and fell over laughing at the cock. Which made Michelle laugh, because she is stupid and likes to laugh at stupid things? Like the word cock. Haha!

Alana looked at the chickens and started crying.

"THEY'LL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS MY COCK!"

Voldemort looked at her in that demented waggy eyebrows way and she leaped for joy. Alana and Voldy came out of the closet a little while later with Alana pregnant and Voldy holding 39374584 kids.

"ALL THAT IN 3.5 SECONDS?!" Asked Ron.

"Yep!"  
"LET ME TRY!" Michelle screamed but before she could get enter the closet with a scared looking Cole Bob and Draco sprinted in with Bobetty banging on the door.

**A/N**

**Thankyous to the peoples whose songs we…used…**

**Barbie Girl – Aqua  
Stick it to Dolores - Harry and the Potters**

**Sexbomb – Tom Jones  
Light my Fire – The Doors (Says Google..)**

**Bicycle Race – Queen**

**Aaaaaand anymore that we forgot to write down… Thankyou**

**Oh yes, If you think the rating needs to be put up… Review and tell us ok? Ok!**


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